I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
