Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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