I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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