My hand turned me down
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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