drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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