I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
