I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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