how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
