There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
