I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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