Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
