Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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