Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize