Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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