..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
