What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
