i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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