I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
