Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
