isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
