Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
