lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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