dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
