no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Semen is not good for contacts.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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