When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
