She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
