I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
