We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
