she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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