im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
