I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
