My room smells like vodka and shame
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
