New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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