Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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