i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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