he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is wine microwaveable?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
