Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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