wanna go halves on a baby?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
