As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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