id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
