Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
