addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
