Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
