I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
