as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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