as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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