Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
