Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
