All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I've blown a few things in my day
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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