Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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