apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize