I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
