Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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