My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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