Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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