...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
