I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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