Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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