I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Damn victory sex feels great
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize