She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
