Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
