I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
