so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
