I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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