just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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