We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
