theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
