Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
