So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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