i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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